I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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