god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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