You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
