I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I would fuck him just for his dog
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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