Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
