Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
