i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize