Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You're like the curious george of whores
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
