am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
