yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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