The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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