this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
