I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
