I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
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