I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
