Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He shit in the fireplace
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