In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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