Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
