just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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