And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
