Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
