im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
