so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
