If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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