The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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