I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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