Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
