why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
