Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
