Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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