While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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