PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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