i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
