If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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