she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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