I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
