I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am naked and annoyed.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
