we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
