there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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