I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
