there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
