no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
