this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
