Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
