Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
