How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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