I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
