her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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