His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
