I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
