it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
