WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
