So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
