We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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