I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
