Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
