It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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