ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
