omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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