She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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