mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
