i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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