My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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