I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
