I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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