I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
