its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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