she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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