I will die if light touches me.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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