Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im six kinds of drunk right now
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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