Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
